The police have no suspects in custody but officials have reported the Hamburgler as a person of interest.
Source: Fox News
Archive for March, 2009
Customer, Early for Lunch, Allegedly Fires Shots in McDonald’s
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Two Rare Elephants Shot Dead in Protected Indonesia Forest
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009The elephants quickly transformed from being rare Sumatran elephants to the more common illegally poached elephant. In America, the elephants would have become more famous for being killed and spawned movies about their life. It also would have raised the street cred of the poachers.
Source: Fox News
Stimulus funds to be used to try to curtail suicide attempts.
Friday, March 27th, 2009This is a much better use of funds than using it to replace lost jobs so people can support their family again; which is why they are jumping off bridges in the first place.
Other ideas for the stimulus money that doesn’t address the real problem:
1. Mandatory exhaust fans in garages so people can’t kill themselves with carbon monoxide poisoning.
2. Ban the sale of rope that can support more than 75 pounds.
3. Limit prescriptions to a 5 day supply.
4. Ban cars so they can’t drive to the bridge.
5. Ban bridges – including Todd and Jeff.
Source: Akron Beacon Journal
Fargo, ND, officials to raise dikes as river rises.
Thursday, March 26th, 2009All girls under the age of 16 will be given a butch haircut, flannel shirt and have Melissa Etheridge’s complete discography loaded on their ipods. The city hopes that the more masculine women will be able to load sand bags quicker and carry more of them to the river’s edge in one trip.
Source: Associated Press
Israel Military Condemns Violent Anti-Palestinian T-Shirts
Monday, March 23rd, 2009The Palestinians have responded with new explosive coupons and discount cards which they know the Israelis won’t be able to refuse. The Palestinians did encounter a problem when the Israelis tried using the discount card and coupon together causing the detonation signal to become disrupted. So far none have exploded.
Source: Fox News
Pope condemns sorcery, urges Angolans to convert
Saturday, March 21st, 2009His decision to wear the traditional ornate robes and fancy hat really helped drive his point home. I don’t see how any of the impoverished, uneducated people of Angola could misinterpret his message.
Source: Associated Press
After 69-year delay, veteran gets diploma
Friday, March 20th, 2009He’s hoping that his military medical benefits will soon follow.
Source: Star Tribune
Right-to-Die Fight Becomes Disabled Man’s Reason to Live
Friday, March 20th, 2009He will attending a banquet for oxymoronic causes. Also attending will be Jews for Jesus and the gay Republicans. They will be serving jumbo shrimp as an appetizer followed by vegetarian meatloaf as the main dish.
Source: Fox News